Keep looking. It’s got to be there. That was my high school teacher’s response every time we whined about looking for our mistakes in the accounting area of our model office class. She was always right, of course. If numbers don’t add up, or accounts don’t balance, there is a human error somewhere that needs to be corrected. It’s always there. We just have to keep looking until we find it.
A few years after high school, my life didn’t add up. Everything, it seemed, was out of balance. I determined there was no absolute truth and if there was a God, He could not be found by man. But I could not abandon my search. Something about the way I am designed compelled me to keep looking.
The things I’d learned growing up in church seemed empty. Christian friends said they went to church because it made them feel good. That was not a convincing reason to me. The things I was doing outside of church made me feel good. The bitterness grew but I kept looking. For six years, filled with skepticism and anger, I kept looking.
My high school teacher wouldn’t show us the solutions in our accounting errors, but God not only drew me to Him, He revealed Himself. Like the search for the accounting issues, it took perseverance. Unlike the accounting errors that were created by our mistakes, we did not create God. He created us. Therefore, we cannot resolve our understanding of who He is on our own. We must seek Him more than we seek personal comfort.
Regardless of how much you doubt or how much you feel God has abandoned you, don’t give up. Stay with God. His kingdom doesn’t always fit human reasoning, but it is within reach. He will reveal himself and give us what we need to overcome our doubts and weaknesses if we keep looking.