Where are You, Lord -- Shelby Rawson

“By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible.” Hebrews 11:27


Where are you, Lord? I do not feel your presence. Tears streak familiar paths on lonely cheeks as I question the whereabouts of my Father. I know You must be near. My memory recalls your Word… It tells me that You won’t leave me and that You love me with an everlasting love. Yet as I sit in this heart’s turmoil, my unbelief is suffocating.

And, once again I am reminded of my feet. Feet that fail me. Feet that walk in fear. Feet that forget faith.

I AM. I am here. Your voice echoes in my heart. I have not called you to walk alone. I have called you to walk by faith. And I know you are afraid. Will you give me your fear? Will you wear My strength in your weakness?

Can I give Him my fear? I am terrified to lay down the walls of my heart and move. To take the hand of God and move forward in faith is impossible while behind my illusion of safety.…my suffocating familiarity…. my walls. So, I must choose. Silent fear behind false security? Or faith in the hands of a loving Father who calls me to risk?

Here is the dilemma. My heart knows the cost involved with taking risks. Yet there is a price to pay in the absence of risk, as well. If I fixate on hurtful lessons from my past, then my present and future are like a kite tied to a chain – failing to fly. The kite may get lift if the wind (good experiences) is strong enough. Painful experiences should be like an anchored kite string – where God is the anchor. He knows we cannot forget the string tying us to our past. Yet if we let Him hang on to it, the string is free to let the kite soar.

I don’t want my life to be safely on the ground. I want to soar, though my fears would deny me flight. Therefore, by faith I will tie my string to the Father’s hand and believe that He is able to direct this kite I believe to be so tattered. For when the Master holds the kite, He sees not the rips and stains of a paltry life, but the vibrant hues colored by the story He has written for my life. When I quit struggling to control the string He gave me and by faith embrace the story He has written for this life, then I leave my fears in His invisible hand and take flight.

Shelby Rawson is a wife and mother of three young children. In addition to the many tasks of caring for a four year old, two year old and infant, she is an active leader in her church’s Mom’s Together program and facilitates Soul Care groups. Her passion for walking with women has led her to be a speaker for the Father Daughter Summit, MOPS International and Fellowship Bible Church. Shelby is currently the author of Daddy Do You Love Me: A daughter’s journey of Faith and Restoration, as well as the Parents of Preschoolers Web Content Manager for Next Generation Institute. She graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology and a minor in broadcast journalism. Writing has been a creative outlet for her since she wrote and illustrated her first story in kindergarten. Her propensity to express herself through the written word allows an empathetic vulnerability to reveal itself in the pages of her work.

It Only Takes a Spark - Shelby Rawson

“For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.” Proverbs 26:20

I mumble. Typically my audience is oblivious to this act, but not my husband. During our “discussions” my voice often gets trapped in my throat as my fearful flesh chokes it. Instead of listening with the confidence of Christ, I respond by rolling my eyes, talking under my breath and mumbling – with my back turned. (What can I say? I am a stellar conflict chicken.) Speaking in the Spirit doesn’t require covert communication. My flesh –my sin- goes before me and speaks. I cannot begin to count the number of times a conversation has been converted to a quarrel by my Spirit-less mumbling.

God’s Word says, “where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.” Many days I would read that verse and name the whisperer as another person – which I believe it can be. However, He brought it to my attention that far too often I am that whisperer. If I could bridle my tongue, let my yes be yes and my no stop at no, then perhaps my words would have a chance to be filled with the His Spirit instead of my rotting flesh. Perhaps, Satan would not be hissing with glee as I give voice to words that he often initiates.

I think it is fairly easy to recognize when another person is doing the whispering and adding wood to the fire. It takes a strong stomach to swallow the pill that’s labeled “my choice.” When I do the whispering (a.k.a. mumbling) I am essentially choosing to engage in a quarrel – not a discussion. At the moment I let my tongue wag; I pick up a log and hurl it at a spark.

So, in this moment, I confess my familiar sin to my Father. And as I repent, I pray for the strength to turn away from the whispers and hissing, the courage to listen with His confidence, the humility to be silent and the wisdom to speak.

Do you speak when you should be silent? Become a spark that turns to fire? Seek the Master’s help.

(Oh, Lord, help me! For it has been yet a minute since I’ve repented and I must repent again.)



Shelby Rawson is a wife and mother of three young children. In addition to the many tasks of caring for a four year old, two year old and infant, she is an active leader in her church’s Mom’s Together program and facilitates Soul Care groups. Her passion for walking with women has led her to be a speaker for the Father Daughter Summit, MOPS International and Fellowship Bible Church. Shelby is currently the author of Daddy Do You Love Me: A daughter’s journey of Faith and Restoration, as well as the Parents of Preschoolers Web Content Manager for Next Generation Institute. She graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology and a minor in broadcast journalism. Writing has been a creative outlet for her since she wrote and illustrated her first story in kindergarten. Her propensity to express herself through the written word allows an empathetic vulnerability to reveal itself in the pages of her work.

The Enemy -- Shelby Rawson

”You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off”; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“The enemy of your soul will keep trying until he finds a way,” I heard him say. The enemy of my soul will keep trying until he finds a way to dismantle my faith, bind me with shame and dissolve my knowledge of freedom. It is the enemy who claws at my heart, making false threats and accusations, whispering lifelong lies to my depths.

The phone rang. That piercing sound which has often aroused fear calls on me to answer. Much like experiences of my past, this call blew my sails of fear unexpectedly and pushed me into a faith-refusing current. I hung up the phone and cried for an hour until my phone rang again. The call ended and more tears began their descent down the familiar curve of my face. Each tear seemed to know the well-worn paths… abandonment, betrayal, fear, hurt and shame.

The women who called me that day had no idea they were breathing salt into my deepest wounds. Needless to say, my reaction caught them by surprise. Neither intended to hurt me. And while my logic grasped those facts, my memories held fast to their own facts. My past proved to me that friends will readily betray, abandon, and malign me. Relationally, my experiences hadn’t caused growth in me – they formed scars. The thing about scars is that the flesh tightens around them leaving a mark, making the statement, “Hurt lives here. No longer will this place yield to growth.”

My Father’s Word tells me He will “not cast [me] off” and not to be dismayed for He is there to help and uphold me. Fear not, Shelby. I hear Him whisper. I hear Him proclaim to the far corners of my past. Just like that day, many of my days are plagued by distracted ears. Ears that listen to the voices without instead of the Voice within. God was with me when the phone rang that day and every other day. He was there as fear overpowered me and faith escaped me. Call on Me. I clung to that which I loathed. I called on my experience. And I answered with things of this world.

The enemy of my soul will keep trying to find a way to destroy my faith in a loving and holy God. In every situation, I am faced with opportunities. Will I look to my past, or His presence? Will I respond in fear, or faith? This is what I know. Faith roars in the face of fear. And I am on the side of that roaring Lion – not the lion who prowls waiting to devour. Oh Lord, let me roar as the Lion blows wind in my sails.




Shelby Rawson is a mom and the co-author of Daddy Do You Love Me: a Daughter’s Journey of Faith and Restoration (New Leaf Press, 2006).