Alone but not Lonely - Kristi Buttles

"Jesus said, “…surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

My beloved, God-fearing grandmother lay dying. I was helpless to help her. For months we watched her condition worsen. Her medical needs necessitated a nursing home, though it was never our wish for her. I felt a huge responsibility to be with her so she would not feel lonely.

At her bedside, I recounted she buried her parents, husband, best friend, and daughter—my mom. I held her hand and retold family stories and read Scripture to her. I talked about what heaven might look like. She lay silent, struggling for every breath.

The Lord reminded me of my bible study. I replied, “I’m not going to bible study today. This is where I need to be.”

God firmly said, “Go.”

Very reluctantly, I went for a short while. I left my cell phone number with the nurse and said I’d be right back. My sister was home gathering Grandma’s legal documents.

The study was an unexpected respite in the midst of unrelenting sorrow and angst…then my cell phone rang. I grabbed it and ran out of the room.

The nurse informed me Grandma had just passed away. My knees gave way as I slid down the wall sobbing. I missed the opportunity to be with her when she died. She died alone. I could never live down the guilt.

I told my sister my feelings. She gently responded, “I believe Grandma was waiting for us to leave. I think she didn’t want us to see her die.”

I believe she was right. There has been so much loss in our family, it would be like Grandma to spare us overwhelming grief. Her giving, selfless life was always lived in others’ best interests. Even in her death she thought of us. This is who she was.

This is who Jesus is. In the midst of His death, He remembered us. Jesus knew why He was dying—to give us life.

Jesus died a horrific death alone. Yet, His grace covers our guilt.

He offers us abundant life—at the expense of His death. No one else can love us this way.

Accept the gift of new life Christ offers you through His death and resurrection. Admit your sin. Believe Jesus’ sacrifice as the Son of God. Receive eternal life through Jesus Christ, and turn from your sin.

With Jesus, even when we are lonely we are never truly alone.

Kristi Buttles is a freelance writer and photographer and has been published in the book Faith & FINANCES: In God We Trust. She is an elementary school teacher and is involved in several ministries in her home church. She has written fiction, non-fiction, a bible study, and a children’s book which she also illustrated. All of which she hopes to publish soon. She has also designed her own line of unique greeting cards that combine her love for words with her passion for photography.
Read Kristi's devotions.